Sean: TELL ME WHAT YOU DON'T
LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.
Man: MY BROTHER WOULD LIKE A NEW
NOSE.
HE'S ALSO INTERESTED IN A NEW
JAW LINE.
HE HAS SEVERE ACNE SCARS, AS YOU
CAN SEE.
HE WOULD LIKE THOSE REMOVED,
PLEASE...AND MY BROTHER'S VERY
SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT HIS
HAIRLINE.
THE ROGAINE...
[WHISPERING] it didn't work.
Sean: I'M SORRY.
ALEJANDRO, IS IT?
Alejandro: YES.
Sean: I'M NOT COMFORTABLE HAVING
YOU SPEAK FOR YOUR BROTHER WHEN
HE'S THE ONE REQUESTING SUCH
EXTENSIVE SURGERY.
MR. PEREZ, MAYBE YOU COULD TALK
TO ME ABOUT--
Alejandro: MY BROTHER DOESN'T
SPEAK ENGLISH.
Sean: I'M SORRY.
I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH.
Alejandro: HA HA HA.
YOU LIVE IN MIAMI, AND YOU DON'T
SPEAK SPANISH?
TAKE A BERLITZ CLASS, MAN.
Liz: ASS IMPLANTS.
WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?
Sean: WE NEED TO SWITCH.
THERE'S A POTENTIAL PATIENT
IN MY OFFICE I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
FEEL HIM OUT.
SEE IF YOU SUSPECT B.D.D.
Christian: WILL DO, PARTNER.
Sean: YOU PUT THIS IN WRONG.
Christian: I'M SORRY?
Sean: THIS IMPLANT.
YOU PUT IT IN UPSIDE DOWN.
Christian: YOU SAVE MY ASS
AGAIN.
Liz: AND HERS.
Christian: YOU WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THE REAL REASON YOU
BREEZED INTO TOWN, AND DO ME
A FAVOR, MR. PEREZ, WHEN YOU
ANSWER, DROP THE NO HABLO
ENGLISH BULLSHIT.
IT DOESN'T ADD TO MY CONFUSION
ABOUT YOUR PREDICAMENT.
IT ONLY HIGHLIGHTS YOUR OWN.
I'M A DOCTOR.
WHAT YOU TELL ME DURING
CONSULTATION IS CONFIDENTIAL.
Mr. Perez: I PREFER TO LET
MY MONEY TALK.
Christian: NICE ALLIGATOR.
Mr. Perez: $20,000, ACCORDING TO
YOUR WEB SITE.
THAT'S YOUR FEE.
Christian: FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
[SNIFFS]
HOW CERTAIN THINGS FROM COLUMBIA
HAVE THAT PUNGENT AROMA THAT CAN
STINK UP A ROOM.
COFFEE, FOR INSTANCE, AND OF
COURSE, THERE IS THE CARTEL
MONEY.
Mr. Perez: I'M NOT COLOMBIAN.
MY BROTHER AND I,
WE ARE ARGENTINEAN.
Christian: MR. PEREZ, IF YOU
WERE ARGENTINEAN, I WOULDN'T
HAVE TO RECOMMEND PORCELAIN
VENEERS.
IT'S THE ONLY SOUTH AMERICAN
COUNTRY WITH FLUORIDE IN THE
WATER.
[CHUCKLES]
Christian: ONE LAST TIME,
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?
Mr. Perez: I WAS WITH THE BOSS'
GIRL.
Christian: MR. PEREZ, YOU CAD.
[LAUGHS]
Christian: I'M STILL TRYING TO
GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
Christian: I DON'T THINK THIS
GUY'S GOT B.D.D.
HIS EXPECTATIONS AREN'T
UNREALISTIC.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE
TOM CRUISE OR ANYTHING.
HE'S JUST DIVORCED AND WANTS
A FRESH START.
SENOR PEREZ...
[WOMAN SINGING IN SPANISH]
Christian: SINGLE OR DOUBLES?
Woman: DOUBLES.
I'M MEETING MY BOYFRIEND.
Christian: CAN I BUY YOU
A DRINK?
Woman: I DON'T DRINK.
Christian: MAY I BUY YOU AN
APPETIZER?
Woman: I DON'T EAT.
I'M A MODEL.
Bartender: HOW ABOUT ONE
FOR THE ROAD?
Christian: NO, THANKS.
I HAVE TO OPERATE TOMORROW.
Woman: ARE YOU A DOCTOR?
Christian: PLASTIC SURGEON.
Missy Elliot: * IS IT WORTH IT?
LET ME WORK IT
I PUT MY THING DOWN,
FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT,
TI ESREVER DNA TI PILF,
NWOD GNIHT YM TUP,
TI ESREVER DNA TI PILF,
NWOD GNIHT YM TUP,
IF YOU GOT BIG
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
LEMME SEARCH IT
TO FIND OUT HOW HARD
I GOTTA WORK YA,
TI ESREVER DNA TI PILF,
NWOD GNIHT YM TUP *
Julia, thinking: BREAD...
REMBRANDT TOOTHPASTE,
...MAYONNAISE...
WOLFGANG PUCK PIZZAS...
Missy: * PUT THE PUSSY ON YA
LIKE I TOLD YA,
GIMME ALL YOUR NUMBERS
SO I COULD PHONE YA *
Sean, thinking: I'M GONNA FIRE
THE GARDENER.
HEDGES IN FRONT ARE LOPSIDED.
LOOKS LIKE HE TRIMMED THEM
DRUNK.
HMM...
MAYBE JULIA SHOULD FIRE HIM.
SHE'S BETTER AT THAT SORT OF
THING.
Missy: * RA TA TA TA
TA TA TA TA TA TA,
SEX ME SO GOOD,
I SAY BLAH, BLAH, BLAH *
Julia: ARE YOU FINISHED, HONEY?
Christian: AAH! AAH! AAH!
Sean: YES.
Woman: TAKE ME BACK TO BED,
PRINCE CHARMING.
Christian: DON'T YOU HAVE A
BOYFRIEND YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN
LAST NIGHT'S DISAPPEARING ACT
TO?
Woman: OH, HE'S NOT A FIANCE OR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
HE'S JUST A BOUNCER AT LEVEL.
Christian: YOU KNOW, THERE ARE
ADVANTAGES TO HAVING A BOUNCER
BOYFRIEND.
YOU NEVER HAVE TO WAIT BEHIND A
VELVET ROPE.
Woman: PLEASE.
YOU THINK A GIRL LIKE ME HAS TO
WAIT?
LIKE LAST WEEKEND, MY GIRLS AND
I, WE WENT TO THAT NEW CLUB
RENDEZVOUS, AND THE CLUB OWNER
SAYS TO ME, "RIGHT THIS WAY,
10."
THE PERFECT 10.
THAT'S WHAT HE CALLS ME.
Christian: BOOKED ANY COVERS
YET?
Woman: I'M ONLY 21.
I GOT LOTS OF TIME.
Christian: ABSOLUTELY.
OF COURSE, IT TAKES A LOT OF
DISCIPLINE AND WORK TO GET
THERE, TO BE PERFECT, BUT, UH,
YOU FIX THE FLAWS, YOU COULD
ABSOLUTELY BE A 10.
Woman: WELL, WHAT AM I NOW?
Christian: YOU'RE AN 8.
Woman: AN 8?
OH...
Christian: YOU'RE ALSO 26.
YOU SHOULD HAVE WORN SUNSCREEN.
BUT WITH A LIGHT PEEL UNDER THE
EYES, YOU COULD LOOK...20.
EVEN SO, YOU'RE A VERY PRETTY
GIRL, KIMBER.
Kimber: I DON'T WANT TO BE
PRETTY.
I WANT TO BE BETTER.
I WANT TO BE PERFECT.
Kimber: I HAVEN'T BOOKED
ANYTHING IN 2 MONTHS.
TELL ME.
Christian: ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT A LIPSTICK?
BEAUTY IS SYMMETRY.
YOUR RIGHT EYE IS HALF A
MILLIMETER HIGHER THAN
YOUR LEFT.
WE COULD PROBABLY FIX THAT
WITH A MALAR AUGMENTATION.
IT'S A CHEEKBONE ENHANCEMENT.
I GIVE YOU BOTOX HERE AND HERE.
THAT SHOULD PROVIDE A GOOD LIFT.
YOU IRISH?
Kimber: PART.
Christian: THAT EXPLAINS THE
SLIGHTLY FLAT BOXER NOSE.
WE COULD SHAVE THE CARTILAGE,
GIVE YOU THAT
CHRISTY TURLINGTON THING, AND
THE BREAST COULD GO ONE SIZE
BIGGER, A LOW "C," AND YOU COULD
FINISH OFF WITH SOME
ABDOMINAL...
COULD FINISH OFF WITH SOME
ABDOMINAL LIPO.
PRETTY MUCH.
THESE ARE YOUR PROBLEM AREAS.
Kimber: AM I REALLY THIS UGLY?
I WAS HOMECOMING QUEEN.
Christian: DON'T BE UPSET.
LET YOUR SHORTCOMINGS AND FLAWS
FUEL YOU.
LET THEM PUSH YOU FURTHER THAN
YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU COULD GO.
WHEN YOU STOP STRIVING FOR
PERFECTION, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE
DEAD.
Julia: HAVE YOU, UM...
NOTICED ANYTHING DIFFERENT?
Sean: MMM, LIKE WHAT?
Julia: I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S SILLY, BUT...
EVER SINCE I NURSED ANNIE,
I KIND OF FEEL THAT MY
BOOBS ARE DISAPPEARING.
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CONSIDER
SOMETHING?
Sean: AREN'T YOU PAST ALL THAT
STUFF NOW?
Julia: UM, I FORGOT.
I SHOULD JUST CUT TO THE CHASE
AND HAVE MY UTERUS BRONZED.
Sean: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
LET ME SEE.
Woman: YOU'VE SEEN THEM.
Sean: OK, LET ME SEE.
LET ME JUST SEE. COME ON.
Julia: OK.
Sean: FOR YOUR AGE,
GRAVITATIONALLY, THEY'RE EXACTLY
WHERE THEY SHOULD BE.
Sean: BY THE WAY, I TOLD ANNIE
SHE COULD ADOPT THE GERBIL THAT
HER KINDERGARTEN TEACHER--
Julia: SEAN, DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME
LAST WEEK?
I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER SHE
COULDN'T BRING IT HOME.
Sean: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
IT'S NOT LIKE A PUPPY.
IT MAKES MESSES IN A CAGE.
Julia: IT'S STILL SHIT, SEAN,
AND THAT'S MORE SHIT FOR ME TO
CLEAN UP.
Sean: COME ON, JULES, IT'S NOT
LIKE YOU'RE MIA FARROW TENDING
TO 10 PARAPLEGIC KIDS WITH
POLIO.
YOU'VE GOT 2 AND A GERBIL AND
A MAID.
IT'S MANAGEABLE.
Sean: WHAT YOU READING, MATT?
Annie: DAD, YOU ASKED HIM THAT
SAME QUESTION 2 DAYS AGO.
MATT'S READING ABOUT ALLIGATORS
FOR HIS SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT ON
THE--WHAT IS IT AGAIN?
Matt: ON THE VANISHING
EVERGLADES ECOSYSTEM...
BUT OF COURSE, DAD ASKED ME THAT
SAME QUESTION 2 DAYS AGO, ANNIE,
BECAUSE DAD NEVER LISTENS TO
ANYTHING I SAY.
Sean: ALLIGATORS, HUH?
SOUNDS INTERESTING.
Annie: AND SCARY.
Matt: OH, YEAH, THEY ARE, LIKE,
DID YOU KNOW THAT AT THE TURN OF
THE CENTURY, SETTLERS DYING OF
STARVATION USED TO USE DEAD
HUMAN BODIES AS BAIT TO LURE
ALLIGATORS SO THEY COULD EAT
THEM, BUT THE FUNNY THING IS,
THE GATORS WOULDN'T BITE.
THEY'D ATTACK, AND THEN THEY'D
JUST SPIT THE BODIES OUT.
Annie: WELL, WHY WOULD THEY
SPIT THEM OUT?
Matt: TURNS OUT GATORS FIND THE
TASTE OF HUMAN FLESH SORT OF
BORING.
OH, BUT DID I TELL YOU
THAT ONE TIME, THE SETTLERS SAW
A WILD BOAR FALL INTO THE WATER,
AND THE GATORS WENT BERSERK.
IT TURNS OUT THAT PORK IS THE
GATORS' VERSION OF THE BIG MAC
OR SOME SHIT.
[CHOMPS]
Sean: THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE
BREAKFAST CONVERSATION,
AND WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
[ANNIE SPEAKING SPANISH]
Sean: ANNIE, HONEY, I TOLD YOU
WHEN YOU'RE AROUND DADDY, PLEASE
DON'T SPEAK IN A FOREIGN
LANGUAGE DADDY DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND.
Julia: WE LIVE IN SOUTH FLORIDA,
SEAN.
ENGLISH IS THE FOREIGN LANGUAGE.
Rosa: GRACIAS.
n[OYE COMO VA
INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
Man: OH, GOOD MORNING TO YOU,
MR. SEAN.
ANYTHING EXTRA YOU'D LIKE DONE
TODAY?
Sean: NO, JULIO.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
Christian: GOD, IT IS BEAUTIFUL
OUT HERE, HUH?
Matt: OH, YEAH, IT'S, UH,
PERFECT WEATHER FOR SKIPPING
SCHOOL.
Christian: I WANT YOU BACK BY
THIRD PERIOD, MATTY.
WE AGREED.
HERE. I WROTE YOU A DOCTOR'S
EXCUSE.
Matt: THANKS.
HEY, LISTEN, AND THANKS FOR THE
MEDICAL CONSULTATION STUFF.
UH, WHEN CAN WE SCHEDULE
AN OPERATION?
Christian: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
KILLER.
SLOW DOWN.
LIKE IT OR NOT, WE HAVE TO TALK
TO YOUR DAD ABOUT THIS.
YOU'RE UNDER 18.
HE HAS TO SIGN THE CONSENT FORM.
Matt: YEAH.
HE'LL NEVER GO FOR IT.
HE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE.
Christian: HEY.
DON'T YOU CALL YOUR FATHER THAT.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU'VE
GOT IT.
Christian: BESIDES, YOUR DAD IS
NOT AN ASSHOLE.
ROBOTS CAN'T BE ASSHOLES.
Matt: YOU'RE GONNA LET ME DRIVE?
Christian: YEAH.
THAT WAY, I GET TO DRINK.
Woman: THIS IS MY JOEY LAST
YEAR.
HE MADE THE TENNIS TEAM.
Sean: AND AFTER THE ACCIDENT?
Woman: IT WAS NO ACCIDENT, OK?
Woman: I'M SORRY.
I'M STILL REELING, YOU KNOW?
Sean: CAN I SEE THE CURRENT
PICTURES, PLEASE?
Sean: HOW MANY GRAFTS HAS HE
BEEN THROUGH?
Woman: UH, WE HAD TO STOP AT 5.
HE NEEDS 3 MORE.
SHITTY H.M.O.
Sean: MS. MICHAELS, I'D LIKE TO
HELP, BUT--
Ms. Michaels: PLEASE DON'T
SAY NO.
CAN'T WE MAKE SOME KIND OF AN
ARRANGEMENT OR SOMETHING?
YOU KNOW, LIKE, UM, A LAYAWAY
PLAN OR SOMETHING?
Sean: MS. MICHAELS, IT'S NOT
THE MONEY.
IT'S THE TIME.
WE'RE BOOKED SOLID FOR THE NEXT
6 MONTHS.
Ms. Michaels: OH, I UNDERSTAND.
Ms. Michaels: IF I WANTED
SOMETHING SILLY OR STUPID, LIKE
A GODDAMN BOOB JOB, SOMETHING
YOU CAN MAKE A QUICK BUCK ON,
MAYBE YOU COULD SQUEEZE ME IN.
Sean: MS. MICHAELS, I'M GONNA
GIVE YOU THE NUMBER OF
DR. MICHAEL LEWENGAARD.
Ms. Michaels: SCREW YOU!
I ALREADY WENT TO HIM.
HE BLEW ME OFF, AND THEN HE
RECOMMENDED YOU, AND THAT' S
WHY I'M HERE.
Ms. Michaels: CONGRATULATIONS ON
YOUR FANCY EXPANSION, DOCTOR.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE DOING
REALLY GOOD FOR YOURSELF.
Ms. Michaels: AND THANK YOU FOR
YOUR PRECIOUS TIME.
Ms. Michaels: THE NEXT TIME
YOU'VE GOT SOME LITTLE SIZE 4
ON YOUR TABLE AND YOU'RE GIVING
HER LIPOSUCTION SHE REALLY
DOESN'T NEED, YOU THINK OF MY
JOEY AND WHAT YOU COULD HAVE
DONE FOR HIM.
SHAME ON YOU.
Sean: SO CHECK OUT THIS
BOMBSHELL.
WE'RE GETTING READY THIS
MORNING, AND JULIA TELLS ME SHE
WANTS HER BREASTS DONE.
Christian: IF YOU'RE THINKING
CONFLICT OF INTEREST, I'D LIKE
TO VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES.
Sean: STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON THE
MISSIS, DO WE?
Christian: FOR THE RECORD, I'D
LIKE IT TO SHOW THAT I DATED HER
FIRST AND PASSED OFF MY SLOPPY
SECONDS TO YOU.
Sean: SCREW YOU.
ONE DATE, AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN
LET YOU KISS HER.
SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO SMOOTH.
MY WIFE'S PERCEPTIVE.
Christian: YEAH, WELL,
YOU'RE NOT.
A LOT GOES ON IN YOUR FAMILY
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.
IF MY SON WAS GETTING BRUTALLY
RAZZED AT SCHOOL, I'D HAVE
PICKED UP ON HIS CHANGED
BEHAVIOR.
Sean: MATT'S HAVING TROUBLE AT
SCHOOL, AND HE TOLD YOU THIS?
Christian: HE'S TORN UP.
I GUESS HE WAS SHOWERING IN GYM
AND SHIT AND SOME TOUGH GUYS
WERE LAUGHING AT HIM,
CALLING HIM "ANTEATER."
Sean: "ANTEATER"?
Christian: BASICALLY, HE'S
SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT HIS DICK,
AND HE WANTS A CIRCUMCISION.
Sean: HE DOESN'T NEED A
CIRCUMCISION.
THAT'S A VANITY OPERATION.
Christian: WE'RE IN THE VANITY
BUSINESS, SEAN.
IT'S WHAT WE DO.
APPEARANCE IS EVERYTHING TO
A KID.
IT'S HOW YOU FIT IN.
SNIP, SNIP, HE FEELS BETTER
ABOUT HIMSELF, AND YOU, SIR,
CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
HOW COOL IS FATHERHOOD?
Sean: I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO
MY SON'S PENIS OR MY WIFE'S
BREASTS.
I DON'T WANT MY FAMILY INFECTED
BY WHAT WE DO HERE.
Christian: AND WHAT IS IT
THAT WE DO HERE, SEAN,
OTHER THAN MAKE PEOPLE
FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES?
Sean: WHAT WE DO HERE IS LET
PEOPLE EXTERNALIZE THE HATE THEY
FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHICH IS
WHY I WANT TO HIRE A FULL-TIME
PSYCHOLOGIST TO SCREEN PEOPLE
BETTER.
Christian: GREAT, AND LET'S DO
YOGA IN THE LOBBY.
Sean: SINCE BOTOX WENT WIDE,
IT'S LIKE A FACTORY IN HERE.
THERE'S NO DISCERNMENT, NO
CAUTION.
Christian: THIS IS A BUSINESS,
SEAN, A VERY GOOD BUSINESS THAT
IS ON THE VERGE OF SETTING US UP
FOR LIFE.
Sean: WELL, MAYBE I DON'T WANT
TO BE IN THIS BUSINESS ANYMORE.
Liz: HEY, BOYS, OUR PATIENT'S
COMFORTABLY IN TWILIGHT, READY
TO BE CARVED UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS
HAM.
Sean: LET'S DO IT.
[ROLLING STONES' PAINT IT BLACK
PLAYING]
* I SEE A RED DOOR, AND I WANT
IT PAINTED BLACK,
NO COLORS ANYMORE,
I WANT THEM TO TURN BLACK,
I SEE PEOPLE TURN THEIR HEADS
AND QUICKLY LOOK AWAY,
LIKE A NEWBORN BABY,
IT JUST HAPPENS EVERY DAY,
I LOOK INSIDE MYSELF AND SEE MY
HEART IS BLACK,
I SEE MY RED DOOR,
I MUST HAVE IT PAINTED BLACK,
MAYBE THEN I'LL FADE AWAY
AND NOT HAVE TO FACE THE FACTS,
IT'S NOT EASY FACING UP WHEN
YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS BLACK,
YEAH... *
Sean: YOU'RE SHAVING TOO DEEP.
Christian: IT'S FINE.
Sean: DO YOU WANT IT FINE, OR DO
YOU WANT IT PERFECT?
Sean: HE'S ON MORPHINE.
THERE'S NO PAIN.
HE'LL BE UP AND AROUND AT THE
HOSPITAL BY WEEK'S END.
TRANSPORT AMBULANCE JUST
ARRIVED.
YOU CAN RIDE WITH HIM TO DADE
COUNTY IF YOU WANT.
Alejandro: WHAT'S WITH THE MASK?
Sean: A NEW BREAKTHROUGH.
IT'S POLYURETHANE LINED WITH
PULSE MAGNETS.
THEY BRING CONSTANT REJUVENATING
BLOOD FLOW TO THE SURFACE
OF THE SKIN.
Alejandro: DR. SEAN, EXCUSE ME.
I FORGOT TO ASK.
DOES THE 300 GRAND COVER
EVERYTHING, OR IS THE HOSPITAL
STAY EXTRA?
Christian: WHAT'S UP?
Sean: WHERE'D YOU HIDE THE EXTRA
PEREZ MONEY?
Christian: YOU WANT TO PLAY
ACCOUNTANT, GO CHECK THE
GODDAMN CORPORATE ACCOUNT.
I'M PUTTING THAT MONEY BACK INTO
OUR COMPANY.
Sean: IT'S DRUG MONEY, ISN'T IT?
Christian: I DON'T KNOW.
I DIDN'T ASK.
NEITHER DID YOU.
Nurse: EXCUSE ME, DR. TROY?
Christian: YES?
Nurse: THE ARCHITECT IS HERE
TO SHOW YOU THE MARBLE SAMPLES
FOR THE STEAM ROOM.
Sean: STEAM ROOM?
OUR RECOVERY UNIT ADDITION NOW
HAS A MARBLE STEAM ROOM?!
I DIDN'T APPROVE THAT.
I WASN'T EVEN CONSULTED ON THAT.
THAT'S A RIDICULOUS, UNNECESSARY
EXPENDITURE.
Christian: YOU STAY OUT HERE
AND MORALIZE, SEAN.
I'D LOVE TO LISTEN,
BUT I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN.
Woman: HELLO.
Julia: HI.
Woman: MY DAUGHTER'S GETTING
MARRIED NEXT MONTH.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
I'M GONNA FRESHEN UP THE EYES
A BIT.
WELL, WEDDING PHOTOS ARE
FOREVER, YOU KNOW.
Woman: GOING BIGGER?
Christian: MRS. GRUBMAN, RIGHT
THIS...
Christian: JULIA.
Julia: HI.
Christian: TO WHAT DO WE OWE THE
PLEASURE?
Julia: HEY, OH, UM, SEAN'S
HAVING A PROFESSIONAL SIT-DOWN
WITH MATT TO TALK ABOUT THE...
Christian: SO I HEARD.
TOUGH STUFF.
Julia: SEEMS DR. SPOCK DID NOT
WRITE A CHAPTER ABOUT...
UM, HEY, THANKS FOR TALKING TO
HIM LAST WEEK.
Christian: EVERYBODY NEEDS
SOMEONE IN THEIR LIFE WHO'LL
LISTEN, RIGHT?
Mrs. Grubman: DR. TROY, I HAVE A
3:00 APPOINTMENT.
[TAPS WATCH]
IT'S NOW 3:15.
Christian: HAVE ME OVER TO THE
HOUSE ONE OF THESE DAYS.
I MISS MY FAMILY.
Julia: YEAH, I-I'D LIKE THAT.
Julia: SO WOULD THE KIDS.
Christian: AND NOW ALL MY
ATTENTION IS TURNED TO MY
FAVORITE PATIENT.
Mrs. Grubman: MM-HMM.
Mrs. Grubman: I KNOW YOU SAY
THAT TO ALL THE GIRLS.
Sean: TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF.
Matt: LOOK, DAD, I'M GRATEFUL
THAT YOU'RE TREATING ME LIKE AN
ADULT, BUT IF WE HAVE TO DO
THIS, CAN WE SKIP THE PSYCHO
MIND PROBE STUFF?
Sean: YOUR MOTHER AND I THOUGHT
A LOT ABOUT THIS TOPIC.
WE DIDN'T GIVE YOU A
CIRCUMCISION BECAUSE YOU WERE
6 WEEKS PREMATURE.
YOUR LITTLE FIGHTING BODY DIDN'T
NEED THE STRESS OF AN OPERATION.
Matt: I COULD'VE HANDLED IT.
Sean: MATT, WHY DID YOU GO TO
CHRISTIAN WITH YOUR CONCERNS
INSTEAD OF ME?
Matt: BECAUSE HE'S COOLER THAN
YOU, AND HE LISTENS TO ME.
I DON'T GET THAT FATHER KNOWS
BEST BULLSHIT FROM HIM.
HE TREATS ME LIKE A MAN.
Sean: MATT, I'M GONNA MAKE AN
APPOINTMENT WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST.
I APOLOGIZE WE DON'T HAVE ONE
ON STAFF HERE.
WE SHOULD.
Matt: WHOA. WHAT? WHY?
Sean: YOU'VE NEVER BOWED TO PEER
PRESSURE BEFORE.
I THINK SOMETHING'S GOING ON.
Matt: LOOK, I JUST WANT IT, OK?!
I DON'T WANT GUYS TALKIN' TRASH
ABOUT ME, AND I KNOW WOMEN DON'T
LIKE IT WHEN YOU'RE NOT CUT.
IT'S THE SMELL OR SOMETHING,
EVEN THOUGH I KEEP IT CLEAN,
SO FEEL FREE TO SKIP THE HYGIENE
LECTURE.
Sean: MATT, ARE YOU HAVING SEX
WITH GIRLS?
Matt: NOT WITH GIRLS, DAD.
WITH VANESSA.
MAYBE YOU OVERHEARD ME TALKING
TO MOM ABOUT HER, YOU KNOW.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, SHE'S A VARSITY
CHEERLEADER, SHE CAN HAVE ANY
GUY SHE WANTS, AND SHE CHOSE ME.
Sean: SO YOU HAVE HAD SEX.
Matt: IT'S GETTING THERE, AND I
KNOW SHE'LL SEE IT AND HURL.
Sean: MATT, IF THIS GIRL
GENUINELY CARES ABOUT YOU,
SHE'S NOT GONNA CARE ABOUT
SOMETHING AS TRIVIAL AS EXTRA
SKIN.
Matt: TRIVIAL?! THIS IS MY LIFE,
OK?
THIS IS NOT TRIVIAL.
Matt: LOOK, FOR ONCE...
JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT I
NEED.
Christian: HOW'S THE PATIENT?
Alejandro: OH, HE'S PISSED.
ALL THEY HAVE IS VANILLA
ICE CREAM.
Christian: WHEN OUR RECOVERY SPA
CENTER'S DONE, WE'LL BE SERVING
FRESH FRUIT SMOOTHIES.
Christian: WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER?
Alejandro: HE WAS HERE
10 MINUTES AGO.
Christian: WELL, IF YOU WANT ME
TO DO A FOLLOW-UP, FIND HIM.
I'VE GOT ANOTHER APPOINTMENT IN
HALF AN HOUR.
Christian: HEY, WHY WOULD YOUR
BROTHER BE ON THIS FLOOR?
Mr. Perez: HERE, MIJA.
THE ICE CREAM WILL MAKE YOUR
TONSILS FEEL GOOD.
Girl: ARE YOU THE BOGEYMAN?
Mr. Perez: I JUST WANTED TO GIVE
HER MY ICE CREAM.
I DIDN'T WANT IT TO GO TO WASTE.
Christian: YOU OK, SWEETHEART?
Girl: YEAH.
Christian: YOU SURE?
Girl: YES.
Christian: DURING OUR
CONSULTATION, YOUR BROTHER SAID
HE WAS WITH THE BOSS' GIRL.
HOW OLD WAS SHE?
Alejandro: SHE WAS 6.
[LIZ KNOCKS]
Liz: WE HAVE A WALK-IN PROBLEM.
[KIMBER PANTS]
Sean: MS. HENRY, YOU'VE GOT TO
CALM DOWN.
THE CONTRACTIONS FROM YOUR
DIAPHRAGM HAVE SPLIT 5 STITCHES.
Kimber: IS CHRISTIAN HERE?
I WANT MY SURGEON TO DO THIS.
Sean: DR. TROY IS IN THE FIELD
WITH ANOTHER PATIENT.
Kimber: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!
I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE
MY OPERATION.
I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE GONNA BE
TOGETHER.
Sean: MS. HENRY, I THINK YOU'RE
CONFUSING DR. TROY'S PLEASANT
AND VERY THOROUGH BEDSIDE MANNER
WITH REAL EMOTIONS.
Liz: IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION
TO YA, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT THE
FIRST GIRL HE'S DONE THIS TO,
BUT AT LEAST YOU GOT A GOOD SET
OF TITS OUT OF IT, SO HEAL IN
MORE WAYS THAN ONE AND JUST GO
ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
Sean: LIZ, YOU'RE OUT OF LINE.
Liz: NO, SEAN, YOU ARE
OUT OF LINE!
YOU CO-OWN THIS BUSINESS!
THIS REFLECTS ON YOU AND YOUR
CHARACTER!
WAKE UP!
Man on tape: HABLANDO ESPANOL,
PUEDE SER DIVERTIDO, REPETE.
Sean: HABLANDO ESPANOL,
PUEDE SER DIVERTIDO.
Man on tape: REPETE.
Sean:
PUEDE SER DIVER--
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Sean:
Christian: THE CONSTRUCTION
WORKERS RIPPED US OFF.
THEY TOOK YOUR COMPUTER,
YOUR VIAGRA PAPERWEIGHTS,
EVERYTHING.
Sean: WE WEREN'T RIPPED OFF,
CHRISTIAN!
I'M QUITTING!
I'M STARTING OVER BEFORE IT'S
TOO LATE.
Christian: ARE YOU AT HOME,
SEAN?
I'M GONNA COME OVER.
WE CAN TALK ABOUT--
Sean: IT'S MY TURN TO TALK NOW,
CHRISTIAN, OK?!
THE MUTE FINALLY SPEAKS,
SO LISTEN UP!
THANK YOU FOR USING YOUR COCK
AS A LURE TO GET EMOTIONALLY
DAMAGED YOUNG WOMEN INTO OUR
OFFICE.
THAT'S A BRILLIANT SALES PLOY!
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO
RUTHLESSLY AMBITIOUS THAT YOU
WOULD GLADLY ACCEPT DRUG MONEY.
A BUSINESS TRANSACTION, BY THE
WAY, THAT COULD LEAD THE FEDS
STRAIGHT TO OUR FRONT DOOR.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR
MEDICAL LICENSE REVOKED,
SPEND YOUR FORTIES TAKING IT UP
THE ASS IN PRISON, BUT I DO NOT!
Christian: I'M LOSING YOU.
Sean: DO NOT HANG UP ON ME!
I'M JUST GETTING STARTED!
THANK YOU FOR BECOMING SO
REPUGNANT TO ME THAT I'M FINALLY
TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE.
Christian: WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO?
Sean: FOR 10 YEARS, I'VE BEEN
CONSUMED WITH TRANSFORMING
OTHER PEOPLE.
STARTING TODAY, I'M TRANSFORMING
MYSELF!
Julia: IS IT ON?
OK, IT'S ON.
CHRISTIAN, TELL OUR VIEWING
AUDIENCE WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE
ON THE NIGHT OF AUGUST 25, 1987.
HA HA HA HA.
Christian: WELL, JULIA,
IT'S A MOMENTOUS NIGHT
FOR GETTING YOUR FIANCE HIGH
FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER,
AND WE'RE SCROUNGING
TO PAY FOR THE OVERDUE
ELECTRICITY BILL.
Sean: SEE SEAN COUNT.
SEE SEAN EAT GOVERNMENT CHEESE.
Julia: OK, WELL, THIS IS OUR ONE
AND ONLY VIDEOTAPE.
OH, LET'S TELL OUR AUDIENCE WHAT
ALL THIS HARD WORK AND EATING
RAMEN NOODLES 24/7 HAS BEEN
ABOUT.
CHRISTIAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT
OUT OF YOUR LIFE?
Christian: WHAT I WANT...
Julia: MM-HMM?
Christian: IS...
A GIRL LIKE JULIA.
All: AWW.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Christian: AND A KICK-ASS
PRACTICE--MAKE WOMEN FEEL BETTER
ABOUT THEMSELVES.
Julia: OH!
Christian: MY SPECIALTY.
Julia: MMM, WELL, WE'VE
CERTAINLY WITNESSED THAT.
SEAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Sean: WELL...
I WANT YOU.
Christian: AWW.
Sean: I WANNA MAKE PEOPLE'S
LIVES BETTER.
I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
HEY, JULES.
GIVE ME THE CAMERA.
Julia: OH, NO!
OH.
[JULIA LAUGHS]
Sean: GET OVER THERE.
Julia: I'M FAT.
Sean: GET OVER THERE.
Julia: NOT LIKE THIS.
Christian: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
Julia: OH.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Julia: I FEEL SILLY.
OH, GOSH.
Sean: JULES?
Julia: YEAH.
Sean: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Julia: WHAT DO I WANT?
UM...
UGH.
[CAR PULLS UP]
Christian: I'M SORRY,
SWEETHEART.
I--I PRESUMED YOU KNEW.
LIZ TOLD ME HE WAS SETTING UP
SHOP NEXT TO SOME FUNGUS-RIDDEN
NAIL SALON RIGHT BEFORE SHE QUIT
AND LEFT ME WITH
NO ANESTHESIOLOGIST.
Julia: WHY?
Christian: I THINK OUR BOY'S
HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS.
IF I FIND OUT THAT HE'S SCREWING
AROUND, YOU HAVE MY WORD.
I WILL KILL HIM.
Julia: YOU THINK HE'S HAVING
AN AFFAIR?
Christian: THAT WAS OUT OF LINE.
I'M SURE HE'S NOT.
I MEAN....
YOU GUYS HAVE ALWAYS HAD A HOT
TIME BETWEEN THE SHEETS, RIGHT?
Julia: HE TOLD YOU THAT?
Christian: USED TO TELL ME
EVERYTHING.
I MISS HIM.
Julia: I MISS HIM, TOO.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE THING
FOR THE THINGY?
I CAN'T FIND IT.
Christian: IS THAT NEW ART?
Julia: WHAT?
OH, HEH HEH.
NO, I'M JUST, UM...
I WAS WATCHING AN OLD TAPE.
Christian: TO SEE HOW MUCH YOUR
BREASTS HAVE CHANGED?
ISN'T THAT WHY YOU CHANGED YOUR
HAIR, WHY YOU WANT IMPLANTS?
SO THAT HE'LL NOTICE YOU AGAIN,
WANT YOU AGAIN, LIKE HE DID
WHEN WE WERE YOUNG?
Julia: I JUST ASKED HIM IF HE
THOUGHT I NEEDED 'EM.
Christian: SO HE COULD TELL YOU
YOU DIDN'T?
YOU DIDN'T GET THE RESPONSE
YOU WANTED?
Julia: NO.
Christian: LET ME SEE THEM.
Julia: WHAT?
Christian: I'M A DOCTOR, JULIA.
I DO OVER 300 BREAST
AUGMENTATIONS A YEAR,
MORE THAN DOUBLE THE NUMBER
SEAN DOES.
I'LL BE OBJECTIVE.
Julia: OH.
Christian: LET ME SEE THEM.
Christian: SYMMETRY IS PERFECT.
SAGGING'S MINIMAL,
DESPITE 2 RIGOROUS SESSIONS
OF BREAST-FEEDING.
TONE IS IMMACULATE.
[JULIA INHALES]
HOW'S THE SENSITIVITY?
Julia: FINE.
Christian: I CAN'T RECOMMEND
SURGERY, JULIA.
YOUR BREASTS...
ARE PERFECT.
Julia, whispering: Thank you.
Annie: MOM?
Julia: YEAH?
Annie: UNCLE CHRIS!
Christian: HEY!
Annie: LOOK AT MY NEW GERBIL.
I NAMED HIM FRISKY.
Christian: FRISKY, HUH?
PUT HIM DOWN.
I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A BIG HUG.
OH!
MMM.
COME HERE.
LET ME LOOK AT YOU.
OH, GOD.
MMM.
I DON'T WANT ANNIE TO HAVE TO GO
TO PUBLIC SCHOOL, JULIA.
YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.
HE LISTENS TO YOU.
HE ALWAYS HAS.
YOU'RE HIS COMPASS.
[JULIA SCOFFS]
Julia: WELL, I WANT A FAMILY,
AND, UM...
[JULIA LAUGHS]
I WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL
AND BE A PEDIATRICIAN
ONCE YOU GUYS GET THE BUSINESS
ESTABLISHED, AND, UM,
I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY.
Sean: LOS...
nLOS TACOS ES--ESTAN DELICIOSO.
nLOS TACOS ESTAN DELIC--
JESUS!
Julio: OH, MR. SEAN!
I DID NOT SEE YOU, SIR.
Sean: YOU NEED TO HIRE
ANOTHER GARDENER.
I JUST FIRED JULIO.
Julia: NO, SEAN, YOU NEED
TO HIRE ANOTHER GARDENER.
IT TOOK ME 2 YEARS TO FIND
SOMEBODY WHO WOULD ACTUALLY
SHOW UP EVERY WEEK
AND CLEAN THE POOL FILTER.
NEXT TO GIVING BIRTH,
IT'S THE MOST DIFFICULT THING
I'VE EVER DONE.
IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
Sean: WE HAVE MICE.
Julia: THAT'S NOT A MOUSE, SEAN.
THAT'S FRISKY THE GERBIL.
IT ESCAPED FROM ITS CAGE.
Sean: WELL, DID YOU TRY
AND CATCH IT?
Julia: I WOULD HAVE, BUT I WAS
TOO BUSY CLEANING UP THE TRAIL
OF SHIT IT LEFT EVERYWHERE.
[SEAN SIGHS]
Sean: OK, WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?
Julia: YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.
DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T
FIND OUT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SEAN?
WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME?
Sean: I WAS WAITING FOR
THE RIGHT MOMENT.
Julia: WELL, HOW ABOUT LAST WEEK
WHEN YOU SCREWED ME BUT WOULDN'T
KISS ME?
WE COULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT
THEN.
Sean: THIS IS THE RIGHT THING
FOR ME.
I'VE WANTED TO DO PRO BONO WORK
FOR A WHILE NOW.
I'M GONNA DO THAT.
I SAW THIS BOY THE OTHER DAY.
HE'S HORRIBLY BURNED.
I WANNA SPEND MY TIME AND MY
TALENT WORKING ON PEOPLE
LIKE HIM.
LIZ IS COMING.
I MEAN, SHE ALSO--
[JULIA SCREAMS]
Sean: WHAT THE HELL IS IT
WITH PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE
THROWING THINGS AT MY HEAD?
Julia: FINALLY, SOME PASSION!
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU'RE NOT BLOODLESS AFTER ALL!
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN
SINCE I HAVE HEARD YOU LAUGH?
SINCE I HAVE SEEN YOU BE
EMOTIONAL ABOUT ANYTHING?
JESUS, SEAN.
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU CRY SINCE
MATT WAS BORN.
Sean: I'M NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE
FOR THAT.
I'M A SURGEON.
IF I GET EMOTIONAL,
PATIENTS DIE.
Julia: I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR
PATIENTS, SEAN!
I'M YOUR WIFE!
AND ON YOUR WATCH,
A DEATH HAS OCCURRED,
THE DEATH OF YOU AND ME.
THIS MARRIAGE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE
A PULSE ANYMORE.
Sean: I KNOW THAT...
AND I'M SAD ABOUT THAT.
JULES, I REALIZE THAT WE DO NEED
TO FIX SOMETHING, AND IT'S NOT
YOUR BREASTS.
WE NEED TO FIX US.
I WANT US TO BE LIKE WE USED
TO BE.
WE HAD PARITY, EQUALITY--
Julia: HOW CAN WE HAVE EQUALITY,
SEAN, WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN
RESPECT ME ENOUGH
TO AT THE VERY LEAST TELL ME
THAT YOU'RE THINKING OF WALKING
AWAY FROM EVERYTHING
WE'VE SACRIFICED OUR LIVES FOR?
Sean: ARE WE BEING COMPLETELY
HONEST?
Julia: YES.
Sean: I GUESS I DON'T RESPECT
YOU LIKE I USED TO.
Julia: FINALLY.
FLOODGATES OPEN.
Sean: WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR
DAYS, JULIA?
YOU SHOP.
YOU GET YOUR VAGINA WAXED
LIKE SOME PORN STARLET.
YOU GO TO LUNCH WITH YOUR
GIRLFRIENDS.
SORRY, THAT SEEMS LIKE EASY
STREET TO ME.
YET, WHEN I COME HOME,
YOU'RE STONED.
YOU DON'T SHOW ME ANY RESPECT,
EVEN THOUGH I THINK THE LIFE
I'VE GIVEN YOU
IS PRETTY GODDAMN SWEET!
Julia: YOU GAVE ME NOTHING!
I MADE THIS LIFE WITH YOU.
DID YOU THINK THIS IS
WHAT I WANTED, TO BE SOME
STEPFORD DOCTOR'S WIFE?
IT'S NOT.
Sean: WELL, THEN CHANGE
YOUR LIFE!
CHANGE IT LIKE I'M
CHANGING MINE.
Julia: THIS ISN'T CHANGE, SEAN.
THIS IS A WHIM.
YOU WANT CHANGE?
HOW ABOUT MY CHANGE?
HOW ABOUT ME GOING BACK
TO COLLEGE AND GETTING MY
DOCTOR'S DEGREE WHEN ANNIE GOES
BACK TO SCHOOL NEXT YEAR?
THAT'S MY CHANGE,
THE CHANGE WE'VE TALKED ABOUT
FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.
APPARENTLY, YOU'VE FORGOTTEN
ABOUT THAT.
IF YOU THINK THAT I AM GONNA
GO BACK TO THE BOTTOM AND WORK
2 PART-TIME JOBS AND SETTLE
MY DREAM AGAIN SO YOU CAN
WHISTLE YOUR WAY THROUGH
A MIDLIFE CRISIS,
YOU'RE HORRIBLY MISTAKEN.
Sean: OH.
MY GOD.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE WENT
TO BED THAT YOU DIDN'T HATE ME?
[KNOCKS ON WINDOW]
Christian: SO, I HEAR YOUR
MARRIAGE JUMPED THE SHARK
LAST WEEK.
MY CONDOLENCES.
IT'S A NICE PLACE.
YOU PUT A NAGEL PRINT UP ON
THE WALL, AND SUDDENLY, YOU ARE
RIGHT BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED.
Sean: CHRISTIAN, I'M NOT
COMING BACK.
Christian: YES, YOU ARE.
WE WORKED TOO HARD TO GET HERE,
AND EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T
ADMIT IT, YOU NEED ME,
JUST LIKE I NEED YOU.
I'M THE SALESMAN, THE PLANNER.
YOU'RE THE TALENT.
WE FIT.
WE ALWAYS HAVE.
Sean: YOU'LL DO FINE WITHOUT ME,
CHRISTIAN.
WITH YOUR CORNER ON THE PLACEBO
SURGERY MARKET, YOU COULD EASILY
FIND ANOTHER PARTNER.
[CHRISTIAN SETS CUP DOWN]
Christian: YOU THINK A BIG
CHANGE LIKE THIS WILL BE EASY?
IT WILL NOT.
YOU WANT A CHANGE? GREAT.
DO THE NIP-AND-TUCK ROUTE--
SUBTLE, ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLE
SHIFTS.
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU RECOMMEND
TO ALL YOUR PATIENTS?
BUT DON'T DELUDE YOURSELF INTO
THINKING THAT YOU HAVE THE TIME
OR THE PATIENCE
FOR AN ENTIRE LIFE LIFT.
WE'RE NOT 27 ANYMORE.
WE'RE 40, AND, BROTHER, WE'RE ON
THE CUSP OF THE AMERICAN DREAM.
Sean: IT'S NOT MY DREAM ANYMORE.
Christian: HERE. YOU LEFT THIS
WHEN YOU WERE CLEANING OUT
YOUR OFFICE.
THE FIRST DOLLAR WE EVER MADE.
IT'S ROMANTIC, ISN'T IT?
I'LL BE KEEPING THIS AS PART OF
OUR SETTLEMENT.
Christian: WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
Sean: YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT,
WITH ME, A CORPORATION CONTRACT,
AND IN CASE YOU FORGOT,
THE CONTRACT STIPULATES THAT IF
THE CORPORATION IS DISSOLVED,
WHICH I SEE NOW THAT IT IS,
THE DISBANDING PARTNER HAS
TO BUY THE OTHER PARTNER OUT.
Sean: I DON'T WANT ANYTHING
BUT A CLEAN START.
Christian: TOUGH SHIT.
YOU PAY UP.
YOU'VE GOT ONE WEEK,
OR I HIRE A LAWYER
AND FREEZE YOUR ASSETS.
THEN I COME AFTER YOUR HOME,
YOUR PENSION PLAN,
MAYBE MATT'S COLLEGE FUND.
Sean: YOU WOULDN'T--
Christian: TRY ME!
Christian: GET A DECENT CARPET
IN HERE.
Sean: SILVIO PEREZ IS SCHEDULED
TO BE RELEASED TODAY.
YOU NEED TO SIGN HIM OUT.
Christian: LET HIM ROT.
Julia, whispering: Oh, God.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Matt: HEY, MOM, I'M GOING
TO, UH, GO TO VANESSA'S
AFTER SCHOOL, OK?
Julia: NO, MATT, YOU'RE NOT.
I NEED YOU TO CLEAN OUT
THE POOL.
Matt: YEAH, BUT, MOM,
I CAN DO THAT WHEN I--
Julia: NO, MATT, YOU'RE NOT!
I NEED YOU TO CLEAN OUT
THE POOL.
I AM SICK OF DOING EVERYTHING
AROUND HERE.
[JULIA SOBS]
Matt: OK.
[JULIA GASPS]
Julia: AAH!
I AM NOT GONNA CLEAN UP
YOUR SHIT ANYMORE!
OH, GOD.
OH!
Boy: YES, MR. TROY?
Jay-Z: * WATCH,
YEAH,
UNH,
IT'S WHAT I DO
FOR A LIVIN', NIGGA,
I EAT FOR A LIVIN', NIGGA,
THAT'S HOW I LIVE
FOR A LIVIN', NIGGA,
WATCH IT,
OK, LET'S DO THIS *
Woman: WHOO!
Jay-Z: * THINGS JUST AIN'T THE
SAME FOR GANGSTAS,
BUT I'M A LITTLE TOO FAMOUS
TO SHOOT THESE PRANKSTERS... *
Woman: BRING THE GOOD STUFF?
AND IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD.
WE'RE PAYING YOU $1,000 A GIRL.
Christian: THIS IS THE BEST
THERE IS, LADIES.
Woman: WHERE'S YOUR PARTNER?
I SAID I WANTED 2 DOCTORS.
THERE ARE 10 GIRLS HERE.
Christian: I'VE DONE 10 WOMEN
BEFORE.
Woman: MMM.
Christian: I HATE TO DO THIS
UP-FRONT, CELIA, BUT...
Celia: HA!
YOU ACT LIKE THIS IS
A DRUG DEAL.
Christian: IT IS.
Sean: LET'S SEE HOW YOU'RE
HEALING.
Silvio: UNH, UNH, AY.
OW.
Sean: VERY NICE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?
Sean: WHAT DID HE SAY?
Alejandro: GOOD JOB.
Sean: THE SWELLING IS MINIMAL.
YOU'RE FINE TO TRAVEL.
I'LL GO SIGN YOU OUT.
Alejandro: UH, DR. McNAMARA,
MY BROTHER HAS A QUESTION.
Sean: WHAT?
Alejandro: CAN YOU TRANSFORM
HIS WAISTLINE LATER TODAY,
LIKE YOU DID HIS FACE?
WE'LL PAY YOU $2,000.
Sean: I'M JUST SETTING UP
A NEW PRACTICE.
I'M NOT COMPLETELY EQUIPPED
FOR SURGERY YET.
HE WANTS A NEW WAIST?
TELL HIM TO KNOCK OFF
THE CHEE-TOS.
Silvio: HOW ABOUT $20,000?
CASH.
MONEY LIKE THAT WILL CERTAINLY
COME IN HANDY FOR A BUSINESSMAN
STARTING FROM SCRATCH.
NO?
Celia: OH!
OH.
Christian: HOW DID YOU HEAR
ABOUT ME?
Celia: WORD OF MOUTH.
Christian: DON'T LAY FLAT
FOR 4 HOURS.
Celia: ENGLISH?
Christian: TOMORROW YOU'LL BE
ONE HOT BITCH.
Celia: OH.
Christian: HOLD ON.
Celia: YOU MEAN HOTTER.
I HAVE ONE MORE GIRLFRIEND
WAITING TO SEE YOU.
Christian: SEND HER IN.
Man: DR. TROY.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I'M ESCOBAR GALLANTO,
CELIA'S BOYFRIEND.
I'M ALSO THE FORMER BOSS
OF SILVIO PEREZ.
Matt: DIDN'T KNOW YOU SMOKED.
Sean: HEH.
NEITHER DID I.
Matt: MMM.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Sean: THINKING.
Matt: THINKING ABOUT WHAT?
Sean: IF I SHOULD GO THROUGH
WITH SOMETHING.
Matt: WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?
Sean: HONESTLY?
WHAT YOU WOULD THINK OF ME
IF I DID.
[MATT SCOFFS]
Matt: WELL, DON'T LET ME
STOP YOU, DAD.
YOU GO AHEAD AND DO IT.
ALMOST ALL OF MY FRIENDS'
PARENTS ARE DIVORCED.
LIFE GOES ON.
Sean: YOUR MOM AND I AREN'T
GETTING DIVORCED.
WE'RE JUST...
TAKING SOME TIME APART.
I WAS CONTEMPLATING
A WORK-RELATED MATTER.
[SEAN COUGHING]
Matt: UH, WELL,
SPEAKING OF WORK, COME ON.
SINCE YOU FIRED JULIO, MOM'S
MAKING ME SWEEP THE POOL OUT.
SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP
AFTER YOUR MISTAKES ALONE,
RIGHT?
[CHRISTIAN GASPING]
Escobar: I'VE BEEN GENTLE
WITH YOU, MY FRIEND.
I'M GOING TO ASK YOU
ONE MORE TIME.
I KNOW YOU OPERATED ON
SILVIO PEREZ.
Christian: YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!
AAH!
[CHRISTIAN GURGLING]
[CHRISTIAN GASPING]
Escobar: WE CHECKED AROUND TOWN.
YOUR COLLEAGUES ALL TURNED
SILVIO DOWN.
BUT YOU, YOU WERE REPEATEDLY
MENTIONED BY YOUR COLLEAGUES
AS SOMEONE LACKING ETHICS,
SOMEONE WHO WOULD TAKE
A CHILD MOLESTER ON
AS A CLIENT.
SILVIO STOLE THAT MONEY!
HE STOLE MY DAUGHTER'S
INNOCENCE.
YOU CAN UNDERSTAND MY LACK
OF PATIENCE.
Christian: HE'S IN DADE COUNTY,
UNDER THE NAME CORDOVA.
Sean: ALEJANDRO, YOU'RE NOT
ALLOWED TO BE IN HERE.
Alejandro: MY BROTHER'S VERY
NERVOUS THIS TIME, DOCTOR.
THIS ROOM IS NOT AS SOOTHING
TO HIM AS THE OTHER ONE WAS.
HE MISSES THE PLANTS,
THE ART ON THE WALLS.
IT WAS VERY COMFORTING.
Sean: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO?
Alejandro: TO LET ME SIT IN
AND BE WITH HIM.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE
WHO COULD CALM HIM DOWN.
LOOK, IF I'M THERE,
HE WILL BE FINE,
AND I HAVE NO PROBLEM
WITH THE SIGHT OF BLOOD.
Sean: SORRY, NO.
Alejandro: WE'LL GIVE YOU
$5,000 EXTRA.
Sean: ALEJANDRO, PUT ON
YOUR MASK.
Escobar: DR. TROY,
WHY DIDN'T YOUR PARTNER
COME WITH YOU TODAY?
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO MEETING HIM.
Christian: HE'S IN SAN FRANCISCO
AT AN A.M.A. CONVENTION.
Escobar: QUESTION.
ARE THERE ANY SIDE EFFECTS
TO THE DRUG YOU PUMPED INTO
MY GIRLFRIEND'S FACE?
THIS, UH--
THIS BOTOX SHIT.
Christian: NO.
BOTOX IS A PURIFIED SERUM
FROM THE BOTULISM TOXIN.
IT'S F.D.A. APPROVED.
IT'S COMPLETELY SAFE.
Escobar: THEN WHY AFTER YOU
GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND BOTOX,
DID YOU TELL HER NOT TO LIE DOWN
FOR 4 HOURS?
Christian: WE TELL ALL PATIENTS
THAT.
Escobar: WHY?
Christian: AAH!
[CHRISTIAN PANTING]
BOTOX WORKS BY, UH...
PARALYZING THE MUSCLES,
SUCH AS THE FOREHEAD, WHICH
CONTROLS WRINKLES, FROWN LINES.
IF YOU WERE TO LAY FLAT, THE...
THERE'S A POSSIBILITY IT COULD
DRIFT TO AREAS YOU DON'T WANT
PARALYZED, LIKE CHEEKS.
Escobar: WHY WOULD THAT BE
A PROBLEM?
Christian: THOSE MUSCLES MONITOR
SALIVARY CONTROL,
SPEECH MOTOR PATTERN.
IF THE BOTOX DRIFTS THERE,
YOU LOOK LIKE A STROKE VICTIM,
TILL THE...DRUG WORE OFF.
Escobar: HOW LONG DOES
THAT TAKE?
Christian: UP TO 2 MONTHS
IN SOME CASES.
THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOUR
GIRLFRIEND NOT TO LIE DOWN.
I WAS LOOKING OUT FOR HER.
Escobar: INTERESTING.
THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU.
YEAH.
WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING
A CHILD MOLESTER?
ANSWER ME!
WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING
A CHILD MOLESTER?
YOUR PARTNER ISN'T IN
SAN FRANCISCO.
HE CHECKED SILVIO PEREZ OUT
OF THE HOSPITAL 4 HOURS AGO.
THEY LEFT TOGETHER.
WHERE DID THEY GO?
Christian: I DON'T KNOW.
Escobar: YOU DON'T KNOW?
WELL, KNOW THIS.
Christian: AAH!
[THUD]
Liz: OH!
Sean: ALEJANDRO, SIT DOWN.
Alejandro: WAKE HIM UP!
WAKE HIM UP.
Sean: Y-YOUR BROTHER'S GONNA
BE FINE.
Alejandro: WAKE HIM UP,
OR I'M GONNA SHOOT BOTH OF YOU.
Liz: IF I BRING HIM OUT TOO
SOON, HE COULD DIE.
Alejandro: DO IT!
DO IT!
Liz: AT 80, HE'S CONSCIOUS.
Alejandro: OK, STOP, MOVE.
COME ON, MOVE!
GET BACK.
[SILVIO COUGHING]
Alejandro: CALMA, CALMA, CALMA.
nSILVIO, NO TE MUEVAS.
nNO TE MUEVAS.
SHH.
Silvio: OH.
Alejandro: SHH, SILVIO, LISTEN.
I GOT GOOD NEWS.
I FOUND OUT...
TODAY I WAS TOLD THAT
MY GIRLFRIEND IS PREGNANT.
I'M--WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A DAUGHTER.
SHE'S 4 MONTHS.
THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
YEAH, OH, SO, SILVIO,
YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY DAUGHTER.
I CANNOT RISK IT.
SILVIO...
YOU'RE SICK.
LOOK--SHH, SHH, SHH.
YOU HAVE SHAMED OUR FAMILY
FOR THE LAST TIME.
SHH.
NO, NO, NO.
nNO TE MUEVAS.
I ONLY WANTED YOU...
TO KNOW THIS SO YOU WOULD
UNDERSTAND AND YOU WOULD
FORGIVE ME, PLEASE.
nME DISCULPAS.
[SILVIO GRUNTING]
Liz: AAH!
AAH! AAH!
[SILVIO COUGHING]
NO! NO!
Alejandro: GOOD-BYE, MY BROTHER.
Sean: STOP IT!
YOU'LL KILL HIM!
Alejandro: IT'S LIKE THAT,
OR WITH A BULLET TO THE TEMPLE!
YOU CHOOSE!
Christian: AAH!
Escobar: IT'S FINISHED.
ONE MORE BOTOX SHOT,
DR. TROY.
WHAT SHOULD WE PARALYZE NEXT?
HUH?
ONE LAST CHANCE.
YOUR PARTNER DIDN'T GO BACK
TO YOUR OFFICE.
WHERE DID HE GO?
Christian: AAH!
Escobar: HEH HEH. WHOO!
AAH!
OOH, THAT LOOKS PAINFUL, MAN.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
WAIT HERE.
OH, IT'S YOUR PARTNER.
I THINK WE'LL TAKE THIS CALL.
HELLO?
OH, I'M SORRY.
DR. TROY IS NOT AVAILABLE
RIGHT NOW.
Christian: SEAN, HANG UP!
Escobar: DR. McNAMARA,
TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL LET YOU SPEAK
TO YOUR PARTNER...
IF YOU TELL ME
WHERE SILVIO PEREZ IS.
Christian: JESUS CHRIST.
Sean: JESUS CHRIST.
Christian: WHAT HAPPENED?
Alejandro: I KILLED MY BROTHER.
I HAVE A DAUGHTER, TOO.
Escobar: YOU CHOSE THE RIGHT
FAMILY, ALEJANDRO.
LET'S GO.
Sean: WAIT, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH THIS BODY?
Escobar: THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
Christian: SHIT!
WE HAVE TO GO TO THE POLICE.
Sean: OH, RIGHT, AND THEY'LL
BELIEVE US, RIGHT, CHRISTIAN?
PLEASE.
THIS GUY DIED OF AN ANESTHESIA
OVERDOSE.
IT'S SHODDY MEDICAL PRACTICE
ANY WAY YOU CUT IT.
I'LL LOSE MY MEDICAL LICENSE.
SO WILL LIZ.
Liz: LIZ?
OH, NO.
I AM NOT GOING DOWN FOR THIS.
I AM NOT GONNA HAVE MY ENTIRE
LIFE DESTROYED BECAUSE YOU TWO
SCREWED UP!
FIX THIS!
Christian: SO...
WHAT DO WE DO?
[CHRISTIAN SLURPING]
Sean: ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE?
Christian: BOTOX IS KICKING IN.
10 SHOTS ALL IN MUSCLES
AND MOTOR CONTROL SITES.
I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE
KIRK DOUGLAS.
Sean: WHY'D THEY GIVE YOU
THE SHOTS?
Christian: BECAUSE I COULDN'T
TELL THEM WHERE SILVIO WAS.
BECAUSE I WOULDN'T TELL THEM
WHERE YOU WERE.
DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHY
WE BOUGHT 12 GODDAMN HAMS?
Sean: BECAUSE ALLIGATORS
ARE FINICKY EATERS.
Sean: HOPEFULLY, THEY'RE GONNA
GET CONFUSED AND EAT EVERYTHING.
THEN THERE WON'T BE
ANY TRACE LEFT.
HUH.
Christian: WHAT?
Sean: I WAS JUST THINKING HOW
I USED TO DO THE SAME THING
WITH MATT WHEN HE WAS LITTLE,
HIDE THE PEAS IN HIS MASHED
POTATOES.
Christian: I DIDN'T KNOW, SEAN.
WHEN I BOOKED THE JOB,
I DIDN'T KNOW.
I WOULD NEVER WORK ON SOMEONE
WHO COULD HURT OUR ANNIE.
NEVER.
Sean: I NEED TO BELIEVE THAT.
Christian: I THINK WE SHOULD
HIRE A FULL-TIME PSYCHOLOGIST
TO SCREEN BETTER.
Sean: AND I WANT 20% OF OUR
CLIENT BASE TO BE PRO BONO
FROM NOW ON.
LET'S CLEAN OUT THE TRUNK.
Christian: YOU'RE A LITTLE
TOO GOOD AT THIS.
YOU'RE SCARING ME.
Sean: GOOD.
IT'S GOOD YOU'RE SCARED OF ME.
* SHE CRIED TO
THE SOUTHERN WIND,
'BOUT A LOVE THAT WAS SURE
TO END,
EVERY DREAM IN HER HEART
WAS GONE,
HEADED FOR A SHOWDOWN... *
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--]